In a departure from celebrating the average here is a shout out to some who might just be above average.
Exercise Options for the Average Joe,... like you.
Please send us your best, your worst, or your just plain painful exercises. Give us your crazy workouts even!! We will then post them, but only if they meet the very stringent standard of what we decide the standard is,..... for this week. Thanks. And Happy Training!!
LEGAL DISCLAIMER:
Every thing you see here is not being recommended for the viewer to try. We are not professional trainers or medical practitioners, and are not a substitute for either. Consult a doctor before engaging in these or any other exercises. In fact consult a doctor before doing anything, and call ahead to make sure it is safe to drive over to his office. Perform these activities at your own risk. We the Average Joes shall not be liable for any direct, indirect, special, consequential, or exemplary damages for any injury or harm to you as a result of these activities.
Contact:
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
no spaces, do what seems smart with the stuff in funny parenthesis. If you can't do what seems smart, that's alright this will prevent spam AND stupidity from reaching our inbox
BEFORE AND AFTER
Some of our readers have asked to seem some before and after pictures of the Joes. Well we are a modest bunch not wanting to pose merely to titillate and shock.
But we live to serve, here is an example of what you can achieve with clean living, wholesome foods, plenty of sleep, a regular training regimen, and an insulin pump full of horse steroids.
And now for another installment of ask Dr. Hale.
Q: What is this paleo diet I keep hearing about?
A: The paleo diet is an exciting old diet that has recently been making a comeback. But Dr. Hale is here to tell you that most people are doing it wrong. What can you expect of the masses right? Here is a definition from Wikipedia:
“The modern dietary regimen known as the Paleolithic diet (abbreviated paleo diet orpaleodiet), also popularly referred to as the caveman diet, Stone Age diet and hunter-gatherer diet, is a nutritional plan based on the presumed ancient diet of wild plants and animals that various human species habitually consumed during the Paleolithic—a period of about 2.5 million years duration that ended around 10,000 years ago with the development of agriculture. In common usage, such terms as the “Paleolithic diet” also refer to the actual ancestral human diet.”
So this amazing diet consists of eating like a caveman. Most people who pick up this diet instead just eat like picky cheerleaders, continuing to eat in restaurants and buy food at grocery stores. To get the full benefit of this diet you must eat like a caveman. Let me repeat that for those of you who are slow, EAT LIKE A CAVEMAN. To make this work you are going to need to strip naked and go into the wilderness emptyhanded. You can eat anything that modern society has not tainted with its agriculture and tools and domestication and sanitation. Here is a breakdown to make it easier for you.
Can I eat potatoe chips? No. Eat buffalo chips instead.
Can I eat insects I find under rocks in the woods behind my house? It depends is that a landscaping rock or an honest rock?
Can I eat broccoli? No, broccoli was domesticated from wild lettucy things since humans have had fire.
Can I eat Chicken eggs? Do you live in Indo-China were chickens are indigenous? Then no, eat some wild duck eggs.
Can I eat a half rotten squirrel carcass that I found on a river bank? Of course.
Can I eat bacon? Yes, this is a diet not torture.
So remember, naked, no tools, no restaurants, no stores, no dumpster diving, no fire. Eat according to these rules and the paleo diet will live up to all the hype of making you lose weight faster than any other diet. If you have any doubts just look at a picture of Turok, Dinosaur Hunter.
Dr. Joe “Above Average” Hale is stronger than you. He received a PHD degree in “Cosas de Elevación” From the world renowned Universidad Molino del Diploma in Madrid Spain. Dr. Hale, in Scotland they call him Doc Jock Hale.
Dr. Hale is here to set you on the path to above averageness. Do you have a question for Dr. Hale? Email everyexerciseonline{at}gmail{dot}com
The thing you should learn from this image is that if you want to squat big weight you are going to have to sacrifice your lower lip.
Apparently I forgot to remind everyone of the email address to send those videos of you enjoying yourself more than the poor slob in the overeasy video. that email address is everyexerciseonline {at}} gmail {dot} com
Send us videos, we are waiting on tenterhooks.
You know what, filming and editing videos is hard work. And some of us Joes are still sore from pointless. So since you guys can’t bring yourselves to send us videos, and we have day jobs too, here is a picture. As you can tell someone just discovered photoshop. But it follows the rule of four, that is-when mixing pics and words if one paragraph of text doesn’t have at least 4 fonts in it then your art sucks.
It has recently come to our attention that many of you are fat. As would be expected since quite a few of you recently came over from a site devoted to eating food so horrible the guy has to dress it up with cartoons on the bag just to be able to choke it down. (click on tubby up there)
We are here to tell you that fat loss is easy. Yes that’s right easy.
Here is our first installment of advice from Dr. Joe “Above Average” Hale.
“Why am I fat? I here it all the time in my coaching. It comes down to a simple lack of understanding as to the purpose of fat. Before you can control something in your body you have to understand it. Pound for pound your brain is the strongest muscle in your body. If your brain is strong the rest of your body will follow. Think about it.
The purpose of fat. Fat keeps you warm. Let me repeat that, fat keeps you warm. Now what else keeps you warm? A nice fluffy quilt comforter. If you get cold in the night, and you don’t have a Mrs. Dr. Hale to keep you toasty, what do you do? You throw a quilt on the bed. What do you do if you get too warm? You throw it off.
This is just like fat. Fat is a layer of insulation all over your body. It makes fat people sweaty, as you have surely noticed in yourself and others when the escalator at the local shopping mall breaks.
So when you get hot in bed you throw off the quilt… This is just like fat on your body. It’s so simple, I have a hard time explaining it.”
Dr. Joe “Above Average” Hale is stronger than you. He received a PHD degree in “Cosas de Elevación” From the world renowned Universidad Molino del Diploma in Madrid Spain. Dr. Hale, in Scotland they call him Doc Jock Hale.
Dr. Hale is here to set you on the path to above averageness. Do you have a question for Dr. Hale?
Overeasy.
Is fitness really worth this? After all the girls don’t care how good you look if you are curled up on the floor in the fetal position whimpering.
You want to be as famous as this poor slob?
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really. Just like that guy.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
You aren’t able to do a pullup, and you didn’t even try the jumping variety. What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to get better? Maybe you were thinking if I do this exercise thing then my size 40 pants won’t fit anymore. But didn’t you know wearing your pants down past your butt and exposing your boxers never really went out of style. You will look chill, crunk, and phat (but no longer fat). So get up and do some Benchins.
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
Remember, Overeasy is coming. An exercise so beautiful it will make a grown man cry.
Real men do chinups. Real men can grab something and lift their body off of the ground and up to the bar. Overhand, underhand, alternating hand, and one hand. They can do them all day and ask for more. Sadly being a real man is hard. This exercise is for those who are not real men. This is jumping chins. It was invented as a legitimate way to do chins as result of affirmative action in the military, turns out women don’t have any upper body strength*. Who knew? So the army decided to relax the chinup requirement for the sisters in arms. Be strong be army strong. But if not thats cool too, we don’t want to discriminate.
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
*Somewhere there is a feminist getting her panties in a wad over this. We WILL get hate mail about this, but it is worth it to bring strength to all of you average joe girly men.
An overhead squat, because you need to find your week point. As DJ would say “The body is one piece” and if you are average like us it is one piece of quivering flab. You need to fix that, this will do it better than anything else. Email us when you can do fifteen of them with your bodyweight on the bar A2A and we will buy you a drink*, your choice of whatever we happen to have in our refrigerator at that point.
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
*You have to do the lifting in front of us though, not that we don’t trust you, but we all know what you kids can do with your camera trickery and your adobeshop.![We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. We will return to your regularly scheduled broadcast as soon as possible.
While you are waiting ponder this: why would an exercise with a nice name like “overeasy” be such a pain in the huevos?
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com](http://29.media.tumblr.com/izJQMIYNZoqsq4ziTdB1Z1E9o1_400.jpg)
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties. We will return to your regularly scheduled broadcast as soon as possible.
While you are waiting ponder this: why would an exercise with a nice name like “overeasy” be such a pain in the huevos?
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
This is a snatch. Specifically it is a “power” snatch. To all of you who are incredibly disappointed with this video and were hoping for something else shame on you and your filthy mind. Does your mother know what you spend your time on the computer looking for. As penance for your sins no more interweb until you can snatch your body weight 10 times in one minute.
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
The deadlift. So named either because it is so simple even a zombies can do it or because you need to practice moving the bodies without throwing out your back.
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
Mondays, no one likes mondays. The entire day is a buzzkill to your weekend afterglow. You spent the weekend sending, ripping, sailing, and carving. Now you put on your white button up with a blue tie and wait for the coffee to brew. Without it there could be bloodshed in your monday morning stand up meeting.
Mondays are pointless.
We present an Average Joe original (don’t laugh, all the good exercises were already invented)
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
You have seen the power clean. This is a power clean and jerk. The jerk was popularized by a Bulgarian lifter, Bronimir Bogdan, in the days of the Iron Curtain. BB, as his few friends called him, was an utter and complete “глупак”. Because he was so unloved today the movement is referred to as a “jerk” rather than “BB’s Barbell Body Builder.” Thank the lord that he wasn’t popular.
Send us videos. We will make you famous. Really.
every exercise online {at} gmail [dot] com
